Lost and All Alone
by mg7777
Summary: Abby-centric story about both the emotional trauma from her ex-husband and the problematic romance with David. Takes place during season 2, sometime after episode 13 "Nobody Likes Babies".
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal or any of the characters

This is my first Scandal fan fiction. Just as a warning, it's probably not going to be a particularly happy story but hopefully you'll enjoy it. Very Abby-centric with David and some appearances by other characters too. It takes place sometime in season 2 shortly after Abby stole the Cytron card from David. Anything that happens in the show after that won't be included.

* * *

><p>Abby was tired. It had been an extremely long week and all she wanted to do was sleep. But for some reason, she just couldn't do it. Her body was weak and she could barely move, but her brain was racing. And then it began. The thing she had worked so hard to suppress, to hide in the deepest corners of her memories, had come back. It had been so long since this had happened, but it wasn't new at all. Behind her closed eyelids, she saw his face. His smug face, with that cruel look he'd get right before he hit her. All she could think about was how much it hurt, how he wouldn't stop, how the more she cried the harder his fists would slam into her body. The fact that these memories had come back wasn't surprising. It was hard, sure. Traumatizing, even. But surprising? No. It had happened before and she knew it would happen again. And even better, she knew exactly what to do to make it go away, at least temporarily so she could get some sleep.<p>

Abby dragged her weary body out of bed and into the kitchen. She surveyed the alcohol that was in her pantry. Pushing passed the expensive wines, which tasted good but weren't useful now, she took a bottle of vodka off the shelf. Abby didn't even bother with a glass. She just opened the bottle, brought it back to bed with her, and drank until she passed out. It might not be the best way to fall asleep, but it was always dreamless and that was what she wanted.

She woke up to the sound of her alarm clock screaming at her, and clutched her head in her hands. The downside to her Charles-proof sleep method was the morning after, but Abby didn't care—she felt like even the splitting headaches were worth avoiding the memories of abuse. She left the vodka bottle (which was still surprisingly full—it had taken less than usual for her to pass out) on the nightstand—she'd probably need it later. After a hurried shower and an attempt to cover up her hangover with cute clothes and lots of makeup, Abby left her apartment, coffee in one hand, purse in the other. She quickly drove to work, gulping down the steaming liquid at every traffic light. Abby didn't relax until she was in the elevator on her way up to the office. That was when she let the shame of what she'd done the night before wash over her. After so many years of being apart, Charles was still controlling her. She was still on the defensive—protecting herself from all the trauma he'd put her through. And now, once again, she was going to have to lie about it to her friends.

Abby exited the elevator and could tell from the look on Olivia's face that she knew something was wrong, but Liv kept quiet—at least for now. Others did not offer the same courtesy.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked. "You look like you're sick or something,"

"I'm fine," Abby replied. "Just happy to get started with another glorious workday in Washington." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and she felt a brief flash of guilt when she saw Quinn's hurt face. After all, Quinn was just trying to be nice. But Abby couldn't let herself care, if she took away her bitchy sarcastic façade everyone would be able to see the damaged woman underneath, and that was not a price she was willing to pay.

Liv came into the room then, her phone pressed to her ear.

"Senator, slow down. Okay. Okay. Yes. Is there a body? And a murder weapon? Okay. No. I'll send someone. Because I'm busy. Yes, I do have more important things to do than deal with your mistress. Well I'm sorry you feel that way. I know. I know we're the best, and like I said, I can send someone. Okay. Fine. Goodbye."

Abby cocked an eyebrow at Liv, and waited for an explanation.

"Senator Moore had a falling out with his mistress. He claims that he left her house after they argued but came back soon after because he felt guilty, and he found her lying dead in her living room. Harrison, Abby, go check out the scene, see if you think he's lying."

"Got it," Abby replied, as Harrison nodded his head. She grabbed her coat and her purse and the two headed out to interview the senator. When they got there, she was shocked at how much blood there was. Blood was splattered all over the couch, chairs, rug, and walls. Jennifer Lee was lying in the middle of the room, her entire midsection sliced up enough to see some of her internal organs. Senator Moore was sitting next to her, ignoring the blood, and cradling her head in his lap. Abby turned to Harrison.

"Do you think he did it?" She whispered.

He shrugged. "He would have had to change. He barely has any blood on him and whoever did this took the time to make sure it sprayed all over the room. I'll go check upstairs to see if there are any bloody clothes. You deal with _that_." He gestured with his head towards the crying man.

"Ooh, fun," she replied, smirking. She entered the room slowly. "Senator Moore? I'm from Olivia Pope and Associates, I was told you needed us." Her sentence lifted up at the end as though it was a question—she felt keeping a degree of uncertainty in her voice kept her from sounding too bossy and intimidating.

The man looked up at her, wiping his face with his hand. He gently removed Jennifer's head from his lap and laid it down on the floor, before standing up and walking over. He held out his hand to shake, but Abby just glanced at it. There was no way she was touching that blood covered hand—she hadn't even put on gloves yet.

Senator Moore looked down, and gave a slight nervous laugh. "Oh, right, sorry," he said, letting his hand drop to his side.

She smiled at him, before diving into the questions.

"So, who's the girl?" She asked, even though she knew the answer. It was best to verify all information through the client to make sure any holes in the story were discovered early.

"Her name's Jennifer. Jennifer Lee. We've been together for a few months."

"But you're married?"

His head dropped in shame. "Yes."

"Where's your wife?"

"In Michigan, visiting family."

"How much time have you spent here since your wife left?"

"I'm staying here with Jennifer. I _love _Jennifer. My wife and I—we were never happy. We never really loved each other. It was a political marriage—I needed a woman on my arm when I was running for Senate the first time."

A _political marriage. _His words bounced around her head. Her marriage was a political marriage too. Charles needed a woman on his arm too. They were never happy either. Abby shook her head to get the thoughts to go away.

"And you said you argued tonight?"

"Jenny wanted me to get a divorce. She wanted me all to herself. But I said I couldn't, not if I wanted any chance at reelection. She asked which I cared about more—reelection or her. I was angry that she wanted me to choose and I stormed out. But I felt bad and I came back, about 30 minutes later. That's when I saw her like this."

"Where did you go for half an hour?"

"I wanted to go get a drink at this bar—it's called Optyk Lounge—near my house but right when I got there I realized I should go back."

"So you were in the car the entire time?"

"Yes."

Just then, Harrison came back downstairs. "It's clean—I didn't find any weapons or blood anywhere else." He said.

"His alibi's crap—there's no way to prove it." She replied, before turning to the senator. "Unless—when you say you turned around when you go to the bar, does that mean you actually pulled into the parking lot?"

"Yeah, and I got out of the car and walked up to the door before I changed my mind. Does that change anything?"

"It might. Harrison, call Huck, tell him to go check out Optyk Lounge and see if there are any security cameras. Maybe one picked up the Senator or at least his car."

Harrison nodded before leaving the room. Abby turned back to the senator.

"You need to come with us back to the office."

"And leave her here?"

"Moving the body isn't necessary and makes it harder to find the actual killer. It'll probably be a few days until anyone sees she's dead and hopefully by then we'll have either found evidence to cement your alibi or prove someone else did it. Until then, we need you at the office."

"Can I say goodbye?"

"Don't touch her again. We really don't need more of your prints on the body."

Senator Moore walked over to the body and knelt down next to her. "Goodbye, Jenny." He whispered. "I love you." He cried for a few minutes and then stood up, wiped his eyes, and followed Abby and out to her car, where Harrison was waiting for them.

* * *

><p>"Senator Jacob Moore, age 45, hails from the great state of Michigan. Married to Eileen Moore, who's currently back home and unaware of her husband's escapades with the victim, Ms. Jennifer Lee, 30. Jennifer lived alone in a house in Tenleytown, about 15 minutes away from the senator's residence. She was brutally murdered this morning while the senator was on his way to a bar. Really? A bar? At 9 o'clock in the morning he felt the need to go to a bar?"<p>

"Abby..." Olivia warned.

"Sorry. Anyways, our little morning drinker saw the errors of his ways and returned to his girlfriend's home to find her blood all over her living room, and her dead body on the floor. Or so he says. I'm not a hundred percent convinced he didn't kill her to shut her up."

"Abby!"

"Fine, maybe he's not a murderer, who knows. Whatever, that's all we have so far."

"I checked out the bar. There are a few security cameras outside. Nothing major, I should be able to hack in quickly." Huck added.

"Great, keep me posted," Olivia said before walking out of the room.

* * *

><p>That night, Abby returned home to her empty apartment and sighed at what she knew was about to come. And she was right. The second she lay down in bed and closed her eyes she saw his face. Images played in front of her as though she were watching a movie—his fists slamming her, his empty liquor glasses flying towards her, his rage when she managed to avoid them. She didn't want to think about this, she was so tired, so she did what she knew how to do—drank herself to sleep. And then the next morning when her alarm went off, she got up and started the whole process over again. This lasted for about a week. During that time, the team discovered that the senator's wife had in fact known about the affair. That she had hired someone to kill Jennifer and frame her husband. Eileen was arrested; Senator Moore's name was cleared. Another case was a victory, and OPA was happy. But not Abby. The memories had never plagued her for this long before and it was mentally, physically, and emotionally tearing her apart. After a week of pretending that everything was fine, she gave up. She unplugged her alarm clock and stopped answering her phone. Everything seemed fine now. She could stay in the protective bubble of her apartment with her bed, and her alcohol, and her mind-numbing television shows. So maybe this wasn't how she'd planned on living. People adapt, right? She convinced herself that this was just her adapting to an unpleasant situation.<p>

One day, Olivia knocked on the door. Abby knew what to do—she'd hid her life from her friends for a long time when she was with Charles. She hid the bottles under her bed, threw on some acceptable clothing, and ran a brush through her hair, before answering the door. But despite her best effort, Abby could tell that Olivia saw right through her.

"Abby?" She whispered, her eyes wide. "What happened?"

Abby laughed coldly. "Nothing happened, I'm fine."

"_Abby._"

"Look, I'm just a little sick, okay? I need to take some time off work to rest. I'll be back soon, I promise." And with that, Abby shut the door in Liv's face.

Later that night, Abby realized she was out of alcohol. She knew she could just go pick some up at the store, but she'd been craving a cocktail so she decided to visit a bar near her apartment. She half-heartedly picked out a dress that was semi-worthy of a bar, and put a little makeup on her face. She was only on her first drink, when she saw someone who she'd desperately hoped she wouldn't have to see.

"You look like crap," David said.

Abby gave him a small smirk. "You do too," she replied, but it was a lie. He looked great, and all of the love she'd felt for him came flooding back. She knew he didn't trust her after she'd taken the Cytron card, but that didn't stop her from loving him. And suddenly Abby realized that maybe this was another way to get her mind off of Charles. She quickly gulped down the rest of her drink and then turned to him.

"Buy me a drink?" She asked, recycling the line he'd used on her before they slept together for the first time. She could tell by the expression on his face that he remembered.

"Sure," he replied, gesturing towards the bartender and ordering her favorite drink for her. She loved the fact that he knew her regular order. They stayed at the bar for a while, getting more and more intoxicated—which was saying something as Abby had pretty much been in a drunken haze for the past three weeks. There was something about being there with David again that made Abby feel safe and secure, and she was willing to let her guard down and have a little fun, something her life had been lacking for a long time. He came back with her to her apartment just like he had their first night together. Normally, she would have remembered the clothes scattered around, the empty liquor bottles, and the empty takeout containers of a few weeks worth of delivered food. Normally, she would have though of all of that and realized that there was no way she could let someone come into her home. But she was having such an amazing time and she forgot.

* * *

><p>Abby awoke with a start. She rolled over and was startled to feel herself hit another body. Suddenly memories of the previous night came flooding back to her. Meeting David at the bar. Drinking with David. Inviting David to come home with her. The sex with David. The sex was amazing, but it always was with him. The relationship part was where they had trouble—the sex was never a problem. And last night was especially great since they hadn't had sex in so long. Not since that day when she found out the truth about his ex-girlfriend. Those perfect few hours when they were finally happy again until she ruined everything by stealing the memory card. But she had to steal it, right? Olivia had needed it. That's what Harrison had said, and so Abby did her job. But why did they always have to blindly follow Olivia? For once couldn't she just <em>tell<em> them why she needed something? Wouldn't that be the courteous thing to do?

"Abby..." David groaned, pulling Abby away from her thoughts. "What time is it?"

Abby opened her eyes and glanced at her alarm clock before remembering that she's unplugged it. She reached for her phone, but it was off. "I don't know."

David groaned again, and sat up rubbing his eyes. He surveyed the room and his eyes widened.

"Oh my God, Abby." He said.

"What?" She asked, sitting up. She glanced over at him and then out at her room. When she realized what he was looking at, she froze. All of those things that she'd meant to keep hidden were there for him to see. There were empty bottles of tequila and vodka lying on the floor, clothes strewn around, food bits and containers covering every surface. She had been living in squalor for three weeks and he was first person to witness it.

David put on his glasses and walked over to the other side of the room. He picked up a couple of empty liquor bottles.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked.

"So, it's been a rough couple of weeks, big deal," she replied. She knew it was a pretty weak defense, but it was all she could come up with. She had never planned on having to explain the situation to anyone.

"Abby..."

She shrugged. "What do you want me to say, David? Would it make you feel better if I lied? My life is great. I love every second of it. I just want it to stay the same forever. There, happy?"

"Of course I'm not happy. I didn't realize things were so bad. Olivia never said anything."

"Okay, let me just set the record straight. First, Liv does not know what's going on and you most certainly aren't going to tell her. Second, this has nothing to do with you, so don't try to be all guilty and shame-ridden. This is completely independent of you and that stupid Cytron card. Third, I'd really like it if you left now. Your clothes are on the floor, you can see yourself out."

Abby lay back down in bed and closed her eyes. She heard David's footsteps as he left her apartment. She focused on falling back to sleep and suddenly realized that Charles was gone. His face wasn't there anymore. After weeks of trying to get rid of him, David Rosen had helped her accomplish it in one night.

* * *

><p>Please review! I definitely have ideas about how I want to continue this story so I'd appreciate reviews to know that people would want to read more chapters.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next couple of weeks, everything seemed to be getting much better. Abby cleaned up her apartment, slept normally, and felt happier than she had in a while. Sure, she missed David a lot, but every time she thought of him she was able to push it out of her mind. She threw herself into her work and became a much more productive member of the team than she had been recently. It wasn't until one day when she was shopping that she realized that something was very wrong.

Abby walked down the aisles of the drugstore, picking up various essentials that she was running low on, such as shampoo, toothpaste, and soap. She took a wrong turn on her way to find her favorite lotion, and suddenly found herself staring at countless containers of tampons and pads. She racked her brain trying to figure out when she'd last had her period and whether or not she might need more of these products for next time, when she froze. 'Next time' should have started a week prior. It should have been _over_ by now, and it never even began. This was not normal—her periods always came on time. Abby was starting to feel shaky and her whole stomach was twisted with worry. Could this really be happening to her? She was always so careful. And then she remembered something that made her feel even more panicky. She'd only had sex with one man in the past month and he _hated_ her.

Overcome with anxiety and fear, Abby grabbed three different pregnancy tests, paid for all of her things, and exited the store. She drove home in a panic and dropped her shopping bag on the floor right inside the entrance to her apartment before running to the bathroom. After she was done taking the first test, she set a timer and watched uneasily as the time slowly decreased. It felt like years had passed by the time the stick was ready, but even so she was terrified to check and spent a few minutes just staring at it from a distance. Eventually, she walked back over to the counter, picked it up, and then promptly dropped it on the floor. This was definitely not the outcome she was hoping for. That little plus sign had just ruined everything—her happy memory with David, her pleasant week, _everything_. She wasn't ready to be a parent. She wasn't even ready to talk to David again about anything, let alone this. So Abby did the only thing she knew to do in a situation like this—she called Olivia.

"What?" Liv asked, as she always did when picking up the phone.

"Liv, it's me. I need you to come over."

"Abby? What's wrong?"

"I-I just need you. Can you come?"

"I'll be there in fifteen."

Abby sighed in relief. Olivia would know what to do. Olivia always knew what to do.

By the time Olivia got there, Abby had taken the other two tests and both gave the same unpleasant response. She had begun to cry, but when Olivia knocked on the door, she quickly wiped her eyes and tried to hide any evidence of the crying. Abby Whelan wasn't a huge fan of crying in front of other people (although admittedly she had cried in front of Olivia both times that she and David broke up).

"Abby, what is it? What's wrong?" Olivia asked when she entered the apartment.

Abby just handed her the pregnancy tests in response. Olivia examined at all three before looking back up at Abby. She didn't say anything, just stared at her with a sympathetic expression on her face.

"What the hell am I going to do Liv?" Abby asked, her voice rising anxiously.

"Okay," Olivia replied slowly. "Right now you need to calm down and think about your options."

"Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down?" Abby's was practically yelling at this point and tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes again.

Olivia took hold of Abby's arm and led her over to a chair. She then sat in one across from her. "Abby, we need to think rationally about this and lay out the options. Okay?"

Abby nodded in agreement, and she wiped away the tears that had slid down her cheeks.

"Your first option is to have the baby and become a parent."

Abby sighed heavily. "How am I supposed to be a parent? I work insane hours and my lifestyle is barely functional for an adult, there's no way I can have a child."

"Look, Abby, if that's what you choose to do, we can work something out with work so you don't have to stay all night anymore. We can figure this out if you want. But remember, there are other options too. You could give it up for adoption. Or you could..."

Olivia trailed off, not wanting to say the thing that both of them were thinking. "Or I could have an abortion," Abby finished for her.

"Yes, you could." Olivia paused for a second before asking, "Do you know who the father is?"

The great thing about Olivia was that she was always sure of herself. At least when she was with Abby and the rest of OPA, she always had a steady voice as she told people their choices or gave orders. Abby tried to mimic this tone with clients, but in her personal life things were a lot more messy and she didn't always know what to say or how to say it. Of course, she had never had to deal with something of this magnitude before, but she'd had her fair share of unpleasant circumstances, and she'd never been confident during them. So when Olivia asked the question that Abby had known would be coming, she had no idea how to answer. Instead, she dropped her head into her hands and remained in that position for a few minutes.

"Abby?"

"David Rosen." She mumbled into her hands.

"David? I thought...I thought you were over."

"We were—we are. We met at a bar a couple of weeks ago, but it was just a one-night stand. I haven't heard from him since then."

"Do you want to tell him?"

Abby shook her head. "No," she said. "At least not yet."

"Okay, that's fine. But you do have to see a doctor to make sure everything's okay. I'll make you an appointment."

Abby nodded. She was willing to let Olivia handle everything—she actually preferred it that way. She knew eventually that she would have to start figuring things out and making decisions but for now it was so easy for Olivia to be in control and Abby to just follow orders. That way she could keep on pretending that this wasn't the biggest decision of her life, that she was just doing her job and listening to Olivia.

Olivia, being her powerful and bossy self, managed to get Abby an appointment that afternoon at the hospital. She drove Abby over and forced her to get out of the car and walk into the hospital. They only had to stay in the waiting room for a short time, and then Abby was on an examination table with a doctor taking her blood. When the doctor returned, he confirmed that she was pregnant. He then examined her and asked her a series of questions regarding her medical history and her most recent period.

"Ms. Whelan, we've determined that you are about 2 weeks pregnant. It's too early to do an ultrasound, but from the tests we've done we can tell that everything seems to be fine so far."

Abby didn't answer; she just stared at the doctor with a blank expression on her face.

"Ms. Whelan, I'm required to ask—do you want to keep this baby?"

Abby looked down at her hands. "I don't...I haven't decided yet," she said quietly.

"Well, there are some things you need to know if you are considering that option. It's best to do it within the first twelve weeks so while you do have some time to think about it, you will need to make a decision in the next couple of months. The sooner you decide, the better."

Abby nodded, but didn't look up at the doctor.

"We're done for now," he said. "Normally at this point you would schedule an appointment in about a month and a half to two months from now, but if you want we can hold off on that until you make your decision."

Abby didn't answer or even acknowledge that the doctor was talking.

"We'll wait," Olivia said, realizing that it was going to be hard to get an answer out of Abby.

The doctor turned to Olivia. "You need to make sure she thinks hard about this before deciding what she wants to do. I know she'd rather pretend that nothing's happening and ignore the problem, but this isn't going to go away on its own. She's going to have a baby in nine months unless she decides otherwise."

Olivia nodded. "I'll talk to her," she said.

Abby silently followed Olivia out of the hospital and back to Liv's car. She didn't speak the entire way home, and ignored Olivia when she tried to start a conversation. When they arrived at Abby's apartment, she entered and immediately walked towards her bedroom. She figured she would go to sleep and worry about this tomorrow. Olivia followed her into the room.

"I'll call you tomorrow," she said, before leaving.

Abby lay down in bed and quickly she fell asleep. That night she dreamt about David. She saw him down on one knee proposing to her, she saw him waiting for her at the end of an aisle, and she saw him holding their baby in his arms. That was the life she wanted, but she knew that she couldn't have it.

* * *

><p>When Abby woke up the next morning, the reality of her situation hit her. She was going to have a <em>baby<em>. And she had to do it all by herself. Suddenly, in that moment, Abby felt extremely lonely. She knew that she had everyone at OPA to support her, but it wasn't exactly like they were going to be very helpful. Friends don't help you raise a child. That's what the father is there for. But there was no way that she was going to contact David.

Abby tried to decide what to do all morning. She thoroughly assessed her options, and by the time Olivia called around lunchtime, she had an answer.

"Do you know what you want to do?" Liv asked.

"Yeah," Abby replied. "I can't have this baby. It just can't happen."

"Okay."

"I feel awful about this."

"I know, Abby, but you have to remember that this is your personal choice and it's okay. You know better than anyone whether or not this baby would have a good life where it was wanted by its parents. It's not a crime to go through with this. Women have fought hard for the right to choose."

"Yeah..." Abby trailed off.

"Are you going to make the appointment?"

"I'll call them now."

Abby hung up the phone. She called the doctor she'd met with at the hospital and scheduled an appointment. The first opening wasn't for a month, but she figured that would be okay. And then Abby grabbed her purse and headed for the office. Work was the only thing that would take her mind off of her pregnancy.

* * *

><p>In the weeks leading up to her appointment, Abby tried her hardest to focus on work. She had some nausea and was pretty tired, but she didn't want to acknowledge these symptoms because they were caused by something that soon wouldn't even exist anymore. Abby didn't tell anyone else at OPA that she was pregnant. She didn't want to explain why there wouldn't be a baby in nine months. Instead, she just pretended like everything was normal. Olivia knew, but Abby made her swear to be silent. Liv was a good friend, and Abby wasn't worried about her keeping the promise. Unfortunately, Olivia was also committed to her job and willing to use any source to help a client, even David Rosen.<p>

One day, when Abby was four weeks pregnant and still had two to go before her appointment, she entered the office to see David sitting in the conference room, talking to Olivia.

"Liv?" She said, as she opened the door. "Can I talk to you?" Her annoyance was very evident in her voice, and she saw David raise his eyebrow at Liv before gesturing that she should go.

"I'll wait," he said. The sound of his voice made Abby feel sick. She wanted him in her life so badly, but she knew that he hated her.

Olivia led Abby into her office before turning back to look at her.

"What?" She asked sharply.

"What the hell is David doing here? I mean are you fucking kidding me, Olivia? David Rosen?"

Despite Abby's anger, Olivia remained perfectly calm as she answered. "He's helping us out with a case."

"Since when do we need help with a case?"

"Look, Abby, I get that this is hard for you, I do. But the client is David's coworker and David can provide a lot of insight for us."

"You couldn't just ask another person who works there? David can't possibly be the only coworker available."

Olivia shook her head. "David is our best option."

"But doesn't he know that you have the Cytron card? He doesn't just hate me—he hates all of us. What makes you think he'll even tell you the truth?"

"There's ways to get people to open up. We'll figure it out."

Abby sighed heavily. "I really don't like that he's here."

"I know," Olivia replied, before leaving her office and reentering the conference room. Abby followed her and sat down in a chair across the table from David. Olivia resumed her conversation with David, but Abby tuned her out. Instead of listening to Olivia, she thought about how she had planned for her life to go. Because even though David was what she wanted now, he wasn't always the plan. Originally, Abby had thought she would be a ridiculously successful lawyer. She had aced law school and the bar exam, and she was excited to live life to the fullest. But things happened and she wound up in a political marriage. She figured it was fine, though, she could just amend her plan. Charles was okay at first, and she was hopeful for their future. She was going to learn to love him and then have children with him, and they would be happy. And then things changed. Charles began drinking more and he took out his frustration with his job on her. He hurt her so much and made her feel as though she were worthless. Abby remembered how at the time all of her plans for life had stopped. Looking back on it, she wondered why the plan hadn't been to get out of that marriage or at least for the abuse to stop. But she knew the answer to that. It was because she felt she deserved it. Because he had convinced her that she was worthless. After Olivia got her out of her marriage, Abby's plan was just to make sure Charles never found her again. She never planned on meeting another man; she was mentally scarred and was sure that any other guy would hurt her too. But then she met David. And he had become her new plan. There had been a glitch when she found out about Teresa Dunn, but she knew the truth now. She wanted him again, but he did not want her, and this was something she was having difficulty accepting.

Abby's thoughts were interrupted by a sharp stabbing pain in her abdomen. She gasped, and put her hand to her stomach. The pain continued, and she felt blood begin to soak through her underwear and run down her legs. Abby looked up to see both Olivia and David staring at her. She cried out as more stabbing pains seared though her stomach.

"We need to get you to a hospital," Olivia said.

"What's happening?" Abby asked anxiously, her voice full of fear.

Olivia glanced over at David before answering. "Abby, I think you're having a miscarriage," she said.

* * *

><p>Hopefully another chapter will be up soon. Reviews are always appreciated! (Seriously, even if you hate it, let me know anyway, all reviews are helpful.)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the wait (and sorry this chapter's so short). I've been working on this for the past week and a half since the last chapter but I had a lot of trouble getting it how I wanted it and I kept on erasing things and starting over. It's still has problems but I really wanted to post at least a short chapter. Hopefully you'll enjoy it.

* * *

><p>Abby paled and looked up at David. He looked extremely confused and a little bit concerned (which, despite the circumstances, did give her some pleasure). She quickly stood up and followed Olivia out of the door. When they got to the hospital, the doctor confirmed that it was a miscarriage, and performed a procedure on her. He then told her to try and get some rest before she went home, and left the room. Abby closed her eyes and slowly fell asleep. When she woke up, David was sitting in a chair next to her bed.<p>

"So, you were pregnant?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah..." Abby whispered. She was terrified of having this discussion and her body was racked with nerves.

"Olivia said it was about four weeks. Was it, um, was it—"

Before David could finish, Abby cut him off mid sentence. "It was yours," she said. She looked down at her hands in an attempt to avoid seeing his reaction, but he placed his hand under her chin and lifted it until she was staring directly into his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were angry with me. That night at the bar—that was a one-time thing, and we both knew it. I didn't want to burden you with something like this."

"Abby, this isn't exactly the kind of information you can withhold from me. We were going to have a _baby_. Did you really want to do that alone?"

"Of course I didn't want to do it alone, but I didn't think I had a choice."

"When were you planning on telling me? Were you going to let me know after you had the baby? Or were you just going to neglect to inform me that I was a father?"

"Um, I didn't really think that far ahead." Abby chose not to tell David about the abortion that was scheduled to occur in two weeks. She knew she'd probably eventually tell him, but he was already annoyed enough about being kept out of the loop, and she couldn't bring herself to add to that. She also kind of enjoyed the sympathy that was evident on his face, although she hated admitting it to herself. Abby knew the second he found out what her plans had been he'd instantly stop feeling sorry for her, and she really didn't want to shatter his image of her as a victim to a horrible loss, despite how selfish that was. And besides, the abortion was obviously not going to happen, so it wasn't that important that she tell David about it—or at least that's how she was justifying it to herself.

"Abby," David began, his voice switching to a much softer tone. "You're right, I was mad. When you stole that Cytron card—and believe me, I know that you did—it ruined my career. But I never stopped loving you! What kind of a person do you think I am—do you really believe that I would put my career over a family? That I would hear about our child and turn the other way because I'm pissed at you professionally?"

Abby shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "I thought that if I told you it would seem like I was manipulating you—like I was just using it as an excuse to force you to be with me."

David laughed halfheartedly. "You watch too much TV," he said. "People don't usually accuse their pregnant ex-girlfriend of using a baby to keep them from leaving."

Abby gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry," she said. It seemed like the only thing that was left to say, and it appeared to do the trick. David shook his head to clear his thoughts and stood up.

"Olivia told me to drive you home," he said. "She took care of all your discharge papers—apparently forging your signature is another one of her many talents. Your clothes are all bloody but Olivia dropped something off for you. All you have to do is change out of the hospital gown and we can leave."

After she changed, Abby followed David out of the hospital and into his car. She sat silently staring out the window while he drove her home, and wondered to herself whether David was telling the truth about his feelings. Would he have actually forgotten about his anger to raise a child with her, or was it just easy for him to say now that it was all hypothetical? He said he loved her. Did he really mean that? Or did he just love the idea of a family? Because, of course, she loved the idea of a perfect family in an ideal world too, but they both knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Abby?" David said as he parked the car in front of her building. She didn't answer, didn't even turn her head or acknowledge that he'd spoken, but waited for him to continue nonetheless. "I'm really sorry that our baby died. I know it must be hard for you. And I just—I want you to know that I'm here if you need to, you know, talk or something."

Abby didn't answer. She was worried that if she opened her mouth she would either start sobbing or blurt out the truth about the abortion, neither of which she wanted to do. Instead, she just exited the car and walked towards her apartment, using all the willpower she had to keep herself from looking back.

* * *

><p>Please review!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I don't really have much to say in this author's note other than I hope you recognize that Abby's description of worthlessness comes from research on the psychological effects of abuse, and I personally am obviously very against domestic violence. Please review, I love to get feedback.

* * *

><p><em>She didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. That woman had a cut lip, a black eye, and bruises on her neck. That woman had empty eyes—as if everything that made her a person had died and nothing went on in her head. That woman looked like the ones she'd see sometimes in the news, the ones who'd been living with demonic men but for some reason didn't leave. Abby had never understood why they didn't leave. It wasn't like they had 24-hour supervision or anything. They could walk out that door if they wanted to. Or so she'd thought. But now, staring at herself in the mirror, she realized that she was exactly like those women. Growing up, she'd see the news, and she'd think about how awful it was but at the same time how distant. It never seemed like the kind of situation that she, Abigail Whelan, would ever in a million years end up in. So why was she here, looking at her battered body in the full-length mirror in her closet? When did everything change from hypothetical to so very real? In the reflection, she saw Charles enter the closet. Her entire body stiffened as she watched him come closer. She never knew what kind of mood he would be in, and she anxiously awaited his first words to her, as those typically set the tone of their conversations.<em>

_ "Abby?" He said softly. "Abby, I'm so sorry." He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, before continuing. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I was drunk, it won't happen again." _

_ So that was how this was going to go. Abby felt as though she was constantly reliving this conversation. At the beginning, she'd believed him. She knew that he was stressed with work and was drinking too much. She thought it would stop. She was wrong. He kept on telling her that it wouldn't happen again, but he was lying and now she knew it. Those words no longer relaxed her, and her body remained tense despite his caresses on her shoulders. He brushed back her hair and kissed her neck, right above the bruises that his hands had left on her pale skin. _

_ "I love you, Abby," he whispered into her ear. She didn't answer. He turned her around and grabbed the sides of her face, moving it until she had no choice but to stare directly into his eyes. She tried to divert her eyes downward but he jerked her head in annoyance and she looked back up._

_ "I said I love you, Abby."_

_ "I love you, too," she replied with no emotion, as if she was just reading it off of a script. It seemed to satisfy him, though. He pulled her closer and placed a kiss forcefully on her lips. She didn't want to respond, but she was worried about what would happen if she didn't, so she surrendered and kissed him back. He wrapped his fingers tightly around her wrist and pulled her out of the closet and onto the bed. Abby remembered the occasional one-night stands she'd had back in law school, when she would eagerly rip the guy's clothes off while her did the same for her. It wasn't like that with Charles. Abby had no desire to have sex with him, she only did it to avoid his anger—she'd learned from experience that attempting to refuse his efforts lead to unwanted 'punishment'. So instead, Abby just lay still in bed while he undressed her and himself. He attempted to enter her but she wasn't ready and she cried out in pain—_

Abby woke up, her body shaking and her hands gripping the sheets so tightly that her knuckles where white. She glanced at her alarm clock. It was 4:30 in the morning—two hours before she normally got up for work.

_Crap, _she thought, before dragging her tired body out of bed. Yesterday had been an _extremely _long and stressful day, and today wasn't starting off great. She slowly got dressed and then stood in front of the mirror, studying her makeup-less face. If she tried hard enough, she could still see the scar that he'd left on her jaw. It was faint now, but there. She pulled down the front of her shirt and ran her index finger down her collarbone, and then lifted it up and felt her ribs. Everything seemed fine now, but she knew that even if she was physically healed, she would never really be _truly _fine.

Abby sighed, and put ignored the makeup on the counter. She just wanted to get to the office and surround herself with people to hopefully restore some sense of safety to her life. Although she didn't think anyone would be in this early, Abby quickly exited her apartment and drove to the office. She was surprised to see Olivia, already sitting in her office staring intently at her computer screen.

"Liv? What are you doing here? It's 5 am." Abby said, confused.

"I could ask you the same thing," Olivia replied without looking up. She finished what she was writing and then diverted her attention from the computer. Abby watched as Olivia's eyes surveyed Abby's face and her forehead wrinkled in concern.

"Are you okay?" Liv asked, her voice full of concern. "Is this about the miscarriage? You didn't have to come into work today..." Olivia trailed off and waited for Abby's answer.

"I had a dream—well, I guess a nightmare—about Charles. It was—I just couldn't stay all alone in my apartment."

"Oh, Abby," Olivia sighed, walking over and embracing her friend. "You know that you're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore."

"I know, but I'm just having trouble believing it."

Olivia nodded and led Abby over to the couch where they both sat down. They remained silent for a few minutes before Abby spoke again.

"I could have left, you know. I could have walked out the door and never looked back. I had access to the bank account; I paid all the bills. I wasn't like those women who were financially reliant and didn't even have an allowance or anything. I could have taken as much money as I needed and left. Or I could have called you earlier. Or I could have called the police."

"But you didn't," Olivia said softly.

"No, I didn't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Abby shook her head slowly, but began to speak anyways. "I knew that I deserved it. That I was worthless and—"

"Abby." Olivia interrupted. "Don't you _ever _say that again. You are worth so much more to me than you will ever understand, and I need you to understand that."

"That's the problem," Abby replied. "When I woke up from my dream this morning, I didn't think about how much I hated him. I didn't even think about how glad I was to be out of that relationship. Instead, I wondered whether I should go back. Because maybe, that's where I belong. Isn't it possible that I've been fooling myself here? At OPA I've gotten the power to manipulate high level government officials, and, I don't know, maybe it's gone to my head, and I've been picturing myself as better than I really am. Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind this morning, and I'm not even sure that they're that far off from the truth. Maybe this dream served as the reality check that I needed to show me what I'm really worth. Charles always showed me my place in the world, and I think without him I might have gotten too confident."

Olivia looked at her friend in horror. "_Abby_," she whispered, unsure what to say. "You cannot go back there. That man would have _killed _you if you hadn't left when you did. No one has ever nor will ever deserve that kind of treatment. I need you to remember that you are special, and you are important, and you are a _brilliant_ woman who deserves all the power that you have. Never think otherwise."

Abby nodded, tears trickling down her cheeks. "After I left, everyone always said that he didn't deserve me. But how do I know that I didn't deserve him?"

Olivia wiped Abby's tears away with her thumb. "Because I am Olivia Pope and you are Abigail Whelan, my best friend, and I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that you deserve a man who would never in his wildest dreams hurt you, emotionally _or_ physically."

"I thought I found that man. I thought David was going to be my second chance at a good guy, but I was wrong."

"He could still be. He cared enough to stay with you in the hospital yesterday; he didn't have to do that. I would have stayed but he told me he could do it."

"I lied to him. He was all apologetic about the baby and I went along with it and didn't mention the abortion."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I think so. I feel like I have to. And then that will be it for us. He's never going to forgive me for this—he already doesn't trust me because of the Cytron card and when he hears about this it'll be the final nail in the coffin, effectively ending any chances at us being together."

"But you definitely want to tell him?"

"What's the alternative? Dirty little secrets always come out—you've said it yourself. It'll be a hell of a lot worse if he finds out five years from now and I'd been lying the whole time."

Olivia nodded sympathetically. "You're right, it will come out eventually. When are you going to tell him?

Abby shrugged. "I haven't really decided. I'll probably stop by his apartment after work." She sighed. "All I want is for none of this to have happened. If I had never seen him in that bar, I could have just gone on with my man-less life and not had to worry about all the drama with David. He would just be the pain-in-the-ass prosecutor that occasionally dropped by to arrest someone."

Olivia laughed. "He is a pain, but you _love_ him. Do you really want a life without love?"

Abby thought about it for a minute. "Is love really worth the pain?" She asked.

Olivia didn't know how to answer that. Her own relationship with Fitz did encompass a grand amount of pain, but it was worth it, right? The way he kissed, the way he touched her, would she give all of that up to erase the pain? Abby's question had stumped her and she just sat on the couch contemplating. Love was worth the pain, she decided. But a little voice in the back of her brain piped up with a response: "Is it really?"


End file.
